Notes on doing the thing:
Take what you need. Change what you want. Leave whatever doesn't serve you.
Follow-through is big time important when it comes to self-trust. If you tell yourself you’re going to do something for you, and then you don’t, you start to assume you're not going to show up for yourself.
Fiercely defend commitments to yourself.
Have fun with it!
In Your Body
Write a list of physical needs you have that you’re regularly neglecting.
Do you need to drink more water? Get a solid 8 hours a night? Take a few days off from working out? Shut your screens down a few hours before bed? Make some orgasms happen? Eat a vegetable? Move around outside? Find some fresh air?
Choose one thing from the list, and commit to taking care of that one thing, consistently. Do what you need to do to set yourself up to follow through. Meeting physical needs helps you trust that you'll be there for yourself in other ways as well.
In Your Mind
I’ve read many “open letters to my [13/30/etc]-year-old self”. We’re able to share wisdom with our younger selves, to look at our past struggles and pain with love and compassion. It’s a cathartic process that can help us re-frame challenging events from our past.
You have the wisdom in you to speak to your current self’s needs as well. You have the compassion in you to bring empathy to your struggles. Don't underestimate your current ability to guide yourself.
Write a letter to your self in this moment. What is it that you need to hear? Be honest. Entertain the idea that you have within you the wisdom to meet yourself where you are right now, with power and love and grace.
In Your Heart
Learning how to non-judgmentally observe any feelings you have helps build the belief that you will lovingly listen to yourself no matter what comes up for you. If we’re in the habit of berating ourselves for certain feelings, of course we’re going to turn outward instead of trusting ourselves with those feelings.
Try inviting the conversation like this: schedule a time with yourself. No lovers. No friends (furry or human). No electronics. Find a quiet place to sit. Take five deep breathes, in through your nose, and out through your mouth with a sigh. Close your eyes. Ask yourself what you’re feeling.
Use your name, (like, “Alice, what are you feeling?”). Feel what comes up. Allow any feelings to come up. If a little voice in your head interrupts with statements like, “oh, that’s bad/good” or “you shouldn’t/should feel X”, invite that voice to have a seat beside you. That voice is not given permission to participate in this conversation. Defend the safety of this space like you would defend the last salmon roll on your plate.
In Your Community
Speak up about what matters to you. When you keep quiet because you’re afraid of what other people might think, you send yourself the message that being true to yourself isn’t as important as being liked by others.
Write down the things that really matter to you. Things you truly believe in. Circle any of them that you’ve been hesitant to share with someone (or anyone). Now choose one of the circled items, and share it.
Call your mom and tell her what you believe in. Tell your classmates how you really feel about that thing. Unshackle yourself. Some won’t like you when you show up with all of you. That’s fine. You’re too busy learning how to trust yourself to give any thought-energy to those people.
In The Wild
You are made of the stuff of the universe. This isn’t just a woo woo thing you have to feel to believe. It’s science. Astrophysics. Your physical body is quite literally made out of stardust. When you build a connected, grounded relationship with the natural world, you feel more connected and grounded within yourself.
So, find yourself some nature. A meadow. An ocean. An open night sky. A sunset. I guarantee you that no matter where you live, you have access to some kind of nature. If you want help brainstorming, email me.
Spend 20 minutes, once a week, just being in nature. Leave all your electronics at home, or in your car, or somewhere you CANNOT TOUCH THEM. Don’t listen to music, or journal. Just be. Listen to the birds, or the wind in the trees. Take off your shoes and stand on the earth. It’s okay if it feels weird and wonky. Keep coming back, and you will start to feel more and more at home.
Journal Questions for November...
When something significant happens in your life, who do you turn to first? What about when little things happen? Is your habit to turn inward, or to seek outside input first?
Where in your life do you already feel self trust? Where do you feel hesitant or challenged when it comes to trusting yourself?
What are your fears/anxieties/frustrations when it comes to trusting yourself?
What would life look and feel like for you if you trusted yourself completely?
What do you need from you in order to feel more grounded self trust?